New Kicks!

With spring here, it's time to put the Italian infant boots away, break out the sneakers and show a little chunky leg!

Hey, Those Aren't Foster Grants!

Hélena came by the office yesterday to hang out for a bit before being my designated driver for happy hour. Not only did she five finger discount my Gucci sunglasses, but she also stole my network engineer's heart. While batting her eyelashes and softly stroking his hand, she managed to get at least three french fries out of him. Nate doesn't share food, so that was definitely a feat that few can claim.

Saturday Night Fever

Hélena is making sure that this Saturday night is going to be the party to end all parties. With a pink tutu and champagne corks in BOTH hands, the only question I have is, what happened to the booze? That shady expression is not to be trusted.

Clutch The Pearls, I've Done Caught The Vapors!

Simmer down now, Blanche DuBois, your mint julep is on the way. Despite Hélena's diverse African-American, Native American and French Caribbean background, she is channeling her Grandma Selena's South Carolina heritage for some fierce southern drama tonight. Either this is some high drama or she's offended that my hair wrap doesn't match my top. Something else she undoubtedly learned from her Grandma Selena. I'll try to dress more appropriately next Saturday night, Miss Hélena.

I'll Never Need Cheek Implants

Hélena attributes her wonderful bone structure to her Cherokee/Arawak lineage. There isn't a blush in the world that can accentuate those cheek bones...that's just good genes baby! Heidi Montag can suck it because this is how you do it. My bad, I forgot she can't move her face...

It's A New Dawn, It's A New Day, It's A New Life For Me And I'm Feelin' Good!

Three weeks now with no reports from the "academy" of any new biting incidents and it's all good for Hélena, Nina Simone style. Her walking speed and accuracy have increased at an exponential rate over the last week, so no doubt that has contributed to her overall better sense of well being. Let's celebrate after school with a happy hour...organic milk and arrowroot cookies on me. I got bank like that!

Success!

Hélena has finally rebounded from 2 consecutive days of playground induced meltdowns and hopefully has begun to realize that all she has to do in life is look cute, take naps and play. We pay good money for her "academy" so I'm pleased that she is finally taking advantage of the fine resources they have to offer. She did turn down a Rice Krispies square at snack time so today wasn't without its challenges...

Boo Freakin' Hoo

Ah, poor Hélena doesn't like being outside in the 60 degree weather while Mommy is in the office being screamed at by other toddlers over 30. Tatie Mimi insists that the grief is over Daddy's failure to pack her Dolce shades in her school bag that morning. Whatever the damage was, Hélena didn't enjoy her recess at the park. Oh, she also turned down ice cream last week. Issues!

Carb loading on St. Martin

Mom, before you say anything about me needing to have a tunic on, #1 its an island and I'm covered pretty well in comparison and #2 the most important thing about this picture is the serious side eye Hélena is giving those pastries. Don't come between a carbo-holic and her breakfast.

Today was a long day...even for babies...

When Hélena comes home in her emergency yoga pants, it's been a rough day. She's ready for a double shot of organic milk which usually leads to a stand-off between her and Elmo on who has had too much to drink.

Fergie, Watch Your Back Girlfriend

Hélena does NOT play around when it comes to french fries, attention from Daddy or dance offs. Being the consummate professional that she is, you can often find her hard at work in her nursery, finely crafting her skills (so much that a onesie was sacrificed in the process - collateral damage she says). The next time you find yourself on the dance floor and the crowd parts like the Red Sea and Hélena selects you for her inevitable victim, don't say I didn't warn you. There Will Be Blood....on the dance floor!

Welcome to Chronicles Of The Spawn!

Welcome to the new home of all news about our little person of interest and professional clown, Hélena Rose! Thanks to my new doctor prescribed diet that does not allow for any booze, pizza or chocolate, I have a lot of extra time to obsessively post all of the positively exciting details of Hélena's everyday toddler experiences. You'll laugh at her Boom Boom Pow dance, you'll cry for her as her Daddy serves his organic kale and apple puree, you'll crap your pants when she's on the business end of a booster shot. Let the journey begin!